Oh, E, I forgot to tell everyone about the CliffsNotes! Dear readers, for some reason, people seem to believe that CliffsNotes makes a study guide to every book ever written. Back when I was a glamorous shopgirl, it always peeved me when people would buy the Cliffs instead of the book. I mean, it made more sense if they at least bought the original text since I always thought CliffsNotes were to help students understand hard-to-grasp symbolism, or a confusing plotline or even "unreadable old time-y language." Still, parents would come in and demand the Cliffs for every title on their children's reading lists. When I tried to tell them that CliffsNotes doesn't make guides for ALL BOOKS, they would act like I was blowing them off or accuse me of hiding a bunch of copies in "the back" (which--brilliant practice for a small business--refusing to sell things to people...obviously HUGELY lucrative).
Parent: Do you have the CliffsNotes for Jurassic Park?
Me: No, ma'am, they don't make CliffsNotes for that.
Parent: What? Are you sure? I mean, they have them for everything else! Do you have any in the back?
Me: ...No, ma'am. We don't have any books in the back. Everything for sale is on the floor. They don't make CliffsNotes for that title. It's relatively new.
Parent: Well, I'll just find it ONLINE!
So, good luck with that... OH WAIT! I found a copy--right here next to the CliffsNotes for Goodnight, Moon! What a save! I mean, really, lady--your kid needs the CliffsNotes for Jurassic Park? Well, to be fair, it IS written in the "unreadable old time-y language" of 1990, so maybe they need to GET ON THAT over at CliffsNotes. Not to mention--uh, it's called Blockbuster. Barring that, your kid could probably string together enough YouTube clips to be able to answer the assigned questions adequately. Besides, lady, we all know how T-Rex can't DEAL with morons; he just goes all CRAZY and starts ripping stuff DOWN and eating all the Velociraptors. It's just not SAFE to be an imbecile when he's around:
T-Rex ain't PLAYIN'...stop being a moron and asking me stupid questions.
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