Thursday, July 31, 2008

Places E and I may or may not be going on vacation...

If there's anything we here at Lucky Ball Charms love, it's an internet black hole. You all know what I'm talking about--you just log on for a second in the morning to take a quick look at something and 5 hours later, you realize the sun is shining through your window at an AFTERNOON angle and you've missed a major appointment. Well, the latest black hole we are here to promote is English Country Cottages, where you can view beautiful pictures of places you'd really like to be besides where you are right now.

E, you'll be pleased to know I've found some possibilities for our next vay-cay. So, this is the best one so far--behold Hafod Y Rhedrwydd:

I can't say the name even though I had that half a semester of ancient Welsh back in college except for I think the F in the first word is pronounced as a V because technically, it's not an F and the 'dd' at the end is NOT two 'd's, but actually a separate letter. That's all I've got to offer, people--try to deal. So tell me you don't expect to see Ioan Gruffudd come walking over that hillside in a billowy white shirt and breeches with some large, heavy animal slung over his big, broad shoulders. Or perhaps some cherubic children in day dresses giggling and chasing puppies. Or FAIRIES, even. It's THAT kind of place, E.

Next up is The Barn, which obviously is a converted barn, and you know, I'm great with that:

It looks great from the outside. In fact, the only reason I included this one is because it has some of the ugliest, seizure-inducing carpeting I've ever seen:

So, I feel like it's one of those perspective-bending street paintings that looks real--like when they paint a swimming pool and people are falling over themselves to avoid stepping in it because it feels like they're going to fall in. I wouldn't be able to walk on this carpeting because my brain can't figure out the depth pattern--if I step on the white parts, are they going to be higher than the red ones? Perhaps you get a free Cheshire Cat with so many square feet of this carpet design, and he appears above the fireplace and says things like, "That carpet pattern is completely mad. In fact, we're all mad. I'm mad. You're mad," and "My dear, that depends a good deal on where you want to get to. Step only on the white parts if you want to live." Also, this carpet would be a GREAT way to deter home invaders--just carpet your foyer in that pattern, and then, when the robbers entered after picking the lock, they'd just fall to the ground grasping at the walls to keep from falling into the florid abyss!

Next up is the Awesome Hen Wrych Hall Tower:

I mean, LOOK at the bed there, E! Amazing. See, E, if we were to go here, we could pretend to be Locked In The Tower By The Queen and it would be so much more effective since we all know you can't spend the night in the Tower of London. Or maybe we could have been sent there by Henry VIII who really wanted to marry us but didn't want his court to disintegrate when all the women went into jealous rages since we were way better-looking (not AS inbred) and so startlingly witty we made them all look like perfumed DOLTS. So we were EXILED. You see how I can come up with these incredible scenarios? Just like that? I guess I'm just good like that.

So, just when I thought that that carpet was the ugliest floral I'd ever seen, along comes Horner Cottage to light the way (to hell, obviously). I mean, from the outside, it looks lovely and incredible:

And THEN, dear readers, comes the fall:

So, I don't want to ALARM anyone by revealing this, but...these rooms were decorated that way ON PURPOSE. Nestled in the description blurb is this choice line:

Thoughtfully furnished by the owners (who live close by) with pine furniture and Laura Ashley fabrics.

Ah, the cornerstones of quality decorating--pine and Laura Ashley. I mean, obviously we can't stay at this place, E, because the owners live nearby and they'd probably hear us snarking and making fun of their taste and barfing after spending too much time in the yellow bedroom and it would just be so Awkward Turtle. It might even be Awkward Turtle On Its Back... But you know, it's not just Awkward Turtle On Its Back--it's WORSE than that. It's Awkward Turtle On Its Back IN THE SUN. And we all know what happens to turtles on their backs in the sun. They DIE, E. It's awkward AND tragic which pretty much sums up the whole Horner Cottage interior design job.

Friday, July 25, 2008

Shopgirl Skills 2.5

Oh, E, I forgot to tell everyone about the CliffsNotes! Dear readers, for some reason, people seem to believe that CliffsNotes makes a study guide to every book ever written. Back when I was a glamorous shopgirl, it always peeved me when people would buy the Cliffs instead of the book. I mean, it made more sense if they at least bought the original text since I always thought CliffsNotes were to help students understand hard-to-grasp symbolism, or a confusing plotline or even "unreadable old time-y language." Still, parents would come in and demand the Cliffs for every title on their children's reading lists. When I tried to tell them that CliffsNotes doesn't make guides for ALL BOOKS, they would act like I was blowing them off or accuse me of hiding a bunch of copies in "the back" (which--brilliant practice for a small business--refusing to sell things to people...obviously HUGELY lucrative).

Parent: Do you have the CliffsNotes for Jurassic Park?

Me: No, ma'am, they don't make CliffsNotes for that.

Parent: What? Are you sure? I mean, they have them for everything else! Do you have any in the back?

Me: ...No, ma'am. We don't have any books in the back. Everything for sale is on the floor. They don't make CliffsNotes for that title. It's relatively new.

Parent: Well, I'll just find it ONLINE!

So, good luck with that... OH WAIT! I found a copy--right here next to the CliffsNotes for Goodnight, Moon! What a save! I mean, really, lady--your kid needs the CliffsNotes for Jurassic Park? Well, to be fair, it IS written in the "unreadable old time-y language" of 1990, so maybe they need to GET ON THAT over at CliffsNotes. Not to mention--uh, it's called Blockbuster. Barring that, your kid could probably string together enough YouTube clips to be able to answer the assigned questions adequately. Besides, lady, we all know how T-Rex can't DEAL with morons; he just goes all CRAZY and starts ripping stuff DOWN and eating all the Velociraptors. It's just not SAFE to be an imbecile when he's around:

T-Rex ain't PLAYIN'...stop being a moron and asking me stupid questions.

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Shopgirl Skills 2

So, that's a picture of me trying to keep the hordes of hysterically desperate Summer Reading customers out of the bookstore after closing ("PLEASE let me in! Now LOOK, my child is going to FAIL OUT of English if we can't get in and get our books! He's going to fail and it will be YOUR FAULT!"). No, it isn't a picture of Lillian Gish in The Wind (1927). People are always telling me I look like Lillian Gish--must be my stunningly expressive know people, I can't help it if every candid of me ends up looking like some amazing silent film capture, okay? I mean, that's not even the point, anyway.

So, SUMMER READING, everyone! Overall, I loved Summer Reading, but I was a dork like that. Well, a GLAMOROUS DORK, but you know what I mean. I loved nothing better than to zip through some titles and then whip up a few overwrought and unnecessarily long responses to assigned questions with the addendum, 'Please explain your answer using textual evidence.' I know! That doesn't seem like me AT ALL! Well, time changes you, people...

I do realize that not everyone is all YAY READING, but it seems like kids are so ANTI-READING now. I mean, excuse me if it alarms me when kids are looking at Of Mice and Men, which is, like, EIGHT PAGES LONG and freaking out about not having enough time to read it or when the parents come in and complain about some of the books having unreadable "old time-y language" (actual description used by a customer). Perhaps many of you agree with me, dear readers, so it seems only fair to document my most tragicomic summer reading customer encounters from back when I was a glamorous shopgirl. We'll begin with a summer reader--a rising sophomore in high school--who was having trouble remembering the title of the book she needed:

Girl: Hi, I'm looking for a book for summer reading.

Me: What book?

Girl: Well, I don't know the title.

Me: Do you know the author?

Girl: No...

Me: Okay, do you know what it was about?

Girl: Uh, yeah, it was about, like, grain, or something...

Me: it The Catcher in the Rye?

Girl: YES! That's it! Oh my God, thanks!

Me: No problem.

Also, I would just like to use this opportunity to express my abject hatred for The Catcher in the Rye. I mean, no offense to anyone who hearts this book, but I can't say that I am at all jazzed about getting into the head of some whiny and annoying 16-year-old boy, much less being FORCED to do it by teachers who are always going on and on about how incredible this book is. Maybe having brothers kind of killed Catcher for me, but we'll probably never know. ANYWAY, people, next up in our Parade of Airheads is a parent who was confused about why they have to use such BIG and FOREIGN words in summer reading titles.

Parent: I am looking for a play for my daughter who is a junior, but I can't remember the name of it. It has some weird name that starts with a 'P.'

[After about a week of summer reading, you practically memorize the names of the books, and there was only one play on the list that started with 'P.']

Me: Pygmalion?

Parent: Yes, that's it! Why do they call it such a weird name?

Me: Well, ma'am, there is an ancient Greek myth about a man called Pygmalion, and this play was based on that myth. The play is the basis for the musical My Fair Lady.

Parent: [scoffs] Well, WHY couldn't they just call it 'My Fair Lady'?

Wouldn't it be LOVERLY if people could grasp the concept of TIME AND SPACE? I mean, I didn't end up answering her because her cell phone rang, but seriously, people. How was I supposed to even touch that without making her look like a moron? Then again, maybe she wouldn't have noticed. Our next encounter is unfortunately with another parent looking for a copy of Animal Farm and getting lost in the George Orwell section. She called me over to her and she had this book in her hand:

Parent: Hi there, can you help me?

Me: Sure. What are you looking for?

Parent: I'm looking for Animal Farm by George Orwell.

Me: It should be right there where you found that one [gesturing to the book already in her hand].

Parent: [finds Animal Farm and pulls it off the shelf] Oh, there it is! I am so blind sometimes! I thought it was this one [holding up the copy of 1984 pictured above], but I don't know WHAT this one is--it doesn't even have a title on it! Thanks for your help! [puts the copy of 1984 back on the shelf and walks to the front of the store to check out]

So, I guess she thought '1984' was some kind of publication date and it was the new IN thing to put it on the front cover next to the author's name. Well, at least she put it back and didn't just toss it onto a random shelf like some customers would have. Still, pretty frightening overall, I'd say... Our last encounter is not my own, actually, but the experience of one of my coworkers at the same bookstore. A parent walks in with the school summer reading list in hand and reads out loud slowly:

"Hi, how are you guys doing? Let's see, I need...The Twel... Twelfth Night by...Will-ee-am Shake...spear-ay... Do you carry that?"

Well, madam, it just so happens that we have an entire SHELF devoted to Will-ee-am Shakespeare-ay--his stuff is SO HOT right now! Allow me to lead you thither...

That summer, we also had a junior in high school come in and say, as he was buying HIS copy of Twelfth Night, that he had never heard of Shakespeare in his entire life. Cross my heart and hope to die. For REAL, y'all.
I know--TERRIFYING. I weep for the future, as does poor Will Shakespeare-ay, as illustrated by that last visual aid, which gives us all a rare glimpse into his REAL THOUGHTS.

Friday, July 18, 2008

Shopgirl Skills.

I KNOW that looks like Clara Bow in her definitive film role in the silent classic It (1927) in that picture there, but it's not. It's actually me back when I used to be a spunky shopgirl, not at all above positioning myself provocatively on the desk of the handsome son of my rich-as-God boss in the hopes of trapping him into marrying me and THEN spending my evenings dancing the night away in smoke-filled dens of iniquity that we used to call 'speakeasies.' Hey, don't hate me because I was this glamorous even as a shopgirl...

Anyway, I'm sure we can all agree how amazing working retail is. In what other industry can you get paid under $10 an hour to deal with the most infuriatingly annoying and mind-blowingly stupid people on Earth? I'm pretty sure the only other industry for producing such rapturous joy in its employees would be food service, which...been there, done that, as well, people--in the SAME JOB, no less. Alas, friends, recently the Emmy half of your Pair of Salonnières has landed a job outside of the retail arena. As a fond farewell to my life as a shopgirl, I have decided to share with you, in a series of posts, some misty water-colored memories of my days working in a small independent bookstore/coffee shop. Don't be jealous that I got to deal with people like this guy:

Customer: Hey there, I'm lookin' for some kinda tea... It's called like, baron somethin''s uh...EARL GREY--That's what it's called. Y'all got some of that?

Me: Yes, we do. It's there on the counter in the yellow packet.

Customer: NO, honey, no. I SAID GREY. Not yellow. It's grey. EARL GREY.

Me: ...Sir, it is Earl Grey tea. This brand just comes in a yellow packet.

Customer: No, it comes in a GREY packet. EARL GREY. You're not listening to me.

[I take a packet out and hold it up in front of his face.]

Me: Sir, this IS Earl Grey tea. See here where it says 'Earl Grey Tea'?

Customer: ...well, that's decaf. That's why it's in a yellow packet. I need regular and obviously y'all don't have any.

Me: isn't decaf, sir. It's regular. It doesn't say decaf on the packaging, so it isn't decaf.

Customer: Well, then, why is it yellow?

Me: Because that's the way this brand packages it.

Customer: ...Okay, I'll take a cup of that. Y'all got any honey?

[I make his tea and hand him a brand new bottle of honey and he proceeds to pour probably a third of the bottle in his 16 oz cup of tea. On the way out the door, he calls back to me.]

Customer: I'm glad y'all had honey because I'm type II diabetic, so I gotta watch my sugar. HAHA! See y'all later!

Uh...I know. I hope he had some kind of one-touch 911 service on his phone because I'm pretty sure the amount of honey he put in his tea could have sent him into a diabetic coma at any moment. Still, amazing. So, dear readers (if there are any of you left), feel free to comment with your own incredible adventures in retail and food service, because I KNOW you have them. Hello, people.

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...E, why can't we be all OMG ANIMATION? Get back to me on that...

Monday, July 7, 2008

Serious Questions for Hugh Laurie

I know, I know, E. I'm the one who is all OMG HUGH LAURIE, and not you so much, so I'll just go ahead and tell whatever major print media outlet that calls for first dibs on what is sure to be the most AMAZING interview EVER (besides our James McAvoy triumph) that this time, it will just be me all alone in a room with Hugh Laurie. You don't even have to take time off work, E, so you can totally relax about all that. I know that you trust me to take this on, and it's exactly the kind of responsibility that I am willing to shoulder for us as a partnership. I also know that you and perhaps some of the readers of this blog may be thinking to yourselves...

...Oh, SORRY. HAHAHAHA. I bet you all think I was having a momentary reverie involving that first picture there just then, but you're WRONG. ANYWAY, as I was SAYING, I know some of you may be thinking to yourselves, But Emmy, how will you, as KIND OF a drooling fangirl, possibly be able to keep it together enough to ask HUGH LAURIE ten whole questions without bursting into tears or passing out or basically making a complete fool of yourself?? And to that, dear readers, I say--HAVE FAITH in the fact that once or twice I thought about majoring in journalism in college, even though my ultimate choice of Latin and Italian was CLEARLY the wiser and more lucrative one. Have FAITH that I am a serious individual who can ask the questions that need to be asked. Have FAITH that I have the fortitude to pull this off without E beside me to steady my nerves. Alright, people, ON to my questions...

**hits PLAY on CD player next to chair and Unchained Melody fills the interview room**

(Uh, the MUSIC is for putting us both AT EASE. Excuse me for trying to be courteous. GEEZ, people.)

1. Am I a million times prettier than Jennifer Morrison, Lisa Edelstein AND Olivia Wilde put together? If the answer is yes, and I think we all know IT IS, would you sign this petition I have drawn up to replace all of these actresses with ME in my unprecedented triple-role television acting debut on House, MD?

2. OKAY, then. Well...I bet Jennifer Morrison, Lisa Edelstein and Olivia Wilde don't know CRAP about LATIN.

3. Would it be possible for me to schedule a House-themed romantic tryst with you, Jesse Spencer and Robert Sean Leonard in the near future? ...Uh, it's called ACTING for a REASON.

4. So, I would really like it if you could show a little more PROFESSIONALISM toward my questions.

5. Would you like to put your head in my lap?

6. Could I put my head in YOUR lap?

7. If I said I were getting a horrible migraine RIGHT THIS SECOND, would you turn the lights down and hold me gently until I felt better?

8. What would you say is the major difference in the color blue of your eyes as compared to say, James McAvoy, and what effect do you think it has on your overall dreaminess?

9. How do you feel about this sterling silver keepsake locket with my picture inside which I lovingly designed and ordered for you off of

10. Before you go, would it be possible for you to put your new locket on, look deep into my eyes and come up with some devastatingly dry witticism about how much other women wish they could be as irresistibly attractive as I am?

Oh, I KNOW, E. I know. Don't be jealous about how fantastic this interview is going to be. Too bad you won't be there to experience it firsthand, but you know, you not being as OMG HUGH LAURIE as I am might actually cheapen the whole experience, so maybe it's ultimately a good thing. I mean, if you wanted to singlehandedly interview someone you thought was totally hot greatly respected as an artist then I would understand.

Saturday, July 5, 2008

Color Me Beautiful: Bridal Edition (Part Two)

Oh, we're back, everyone--I know you're all dying to understand the process of selecting appropriate seasonal menswear for your wedding. Sadly, it would seem that Color Me Beautiful (Last last chance) weddings aren't quite equal opportunity, if you get my drift. In fact, the only options for men, clearly due to society's incredibly UNJUST disregard for male seasonal palettes, are based on how formal or informal the wedding is--no mention at all about the warm, mellow tones of your groom's delicious olive skin and what compliments it besides the pair of your quivering lips on your honeymoon in Maui. Still, I know you want to see the pics, so first up is the suggested attire for an ultraformal wedding during the summer months:
So, I know that white tails are sometimes actually appropriate for an ultraformal occasion, but I swear, I feel like if I were attending a wedding where this was the chosen men's attire, I would just forget or something... Like maybe if he were standing near my table at the reception, I might turn and stare at him expectantly, thinking he was going to start tap dancing and tossing his cane around and singing Everything Old Is New Again. Also, I think the forelock needs to go. Perhaps it's kind of the idea, but he looks a little too Ken Carson circa 1989 for my taste.

Next up is the formal evening wedding:

So what's up with the TOP SECRET styling in this picture? Is this what you're supposed to wear if you're attending a wedding AND harboring state secrets? Or attending a wedding AND planning to assassinate someone before the bouquet toss? Then again, perhaps it's just giving you tips on how to stand in the shadows observing everything mysteriously before you rush to the middle of the room to yell at Sam for playing As Time Goes By.

Next up is the ultraformal/formal daytime wedding:

Speaking of Ken dolls...this one even comes with its own Flower Girl Kelly for Junior Bridesmaid Skipper to take care of during the reception so all the adults can get smashed. You know, Skipper is always getting the raw end of the deal like that. If there were one member of Barbie's family that were going to have a psychotic break and murder Barbie in her sleep, I think we can all agree it would be Skipper. I mean, show me a play set or item sold separately that ever indicated we should give a crap about Skipper's feelings--always THISCLOSE to hitting puberty and/or graduating from high school, forever a babysitting burden to her perfect older sister. Who's ever going to look at you when Barbie is your sister? Skipper was introduced in 1964 and she wasn't even allowed to have reasonably-sized boobs until 1988. That has to make you bitter, especially since we all know Skipper could live to be a hundred years old and they'll still never be as big as Barbie's. That bitch.

And lastly, we have the semiformal/formal daytime wedding:

Well, I hope this guy isn't supposed to be the groom since I'm pretty sure he's already married to Wallis Simpson. Oh, what. Look me in the eye and tell me that the first thing you thought when you glimpsed this photo was NOT "Oh my God! Edward VIII lives!" Whatever, people, you KNOW this guy would at least be the number one pick to play him for the Lifetime Original Movie version. Also, what's with the chairs being piled up like that? I mean, is the reception over? Was there a riot? And I'm reasonably certain that faux-leaning-on-things is pretty standard in the modeling world, but seriously, who comes up with these poses?

In closing, I've included the least convincing "family" wedding shot in wedding planning book history:

Oh, yeah right. As if there is any family on Earth that is this good-looking and perfect (well, except for mine and E's family which is basically like the warehouse for Supermodels R Us). Remember what I said about a headpiece ruining the whole look here, people? I mean, is she afraid no one's going to know she's the bride unless there's a tulle sunburst on her head? Also, second from the left--well I can only hope Becky doesn't have too much to drink and end up cheating on Uncle Jesse, because that would be unacceptable on SO many levels, although it would add an interesting twist for that whole twins story arc in season five.

Friday, July 4, 2008

Happy 4th of July!

For all our readers in the USA--have a safe and happy 4th!

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

Color Me Beautiful: Bridal Edition (Part One)

I know what you're thinking. How can E and I post such vital, life-altering information on a blog with no expectation of payment for our services? Well, first off, we probably couldn't charge money legally since Lauren Smith wrote this book and not us, but still, we here at Lucky Ball Charms like to give back by helping other people reach their full potential. And we all know that you can't reach your full potential wearing the wrong shade of red. So this post is for all you brides out there who are freaking out about your wedding colors. Remember, ladies--when you finally know and EMBRACE your color palette, everything else just falls into place.

For those of you unfortunate enough to not know, Color Me Beautiful is a program that matches skin and hair tone to their supposed optimal colors which are divided into "seasons" of warm and cool tones and then into bright and light hues. Developed by a woman named Carole Jackson in the 80s, Color Me Beautiful is still around and totally revamped AND just by visiting that link you too can discover the Holy Grail that is your Color Season (It's free. You know you want to). You could probably tell just by our writing that E and I are the best seasons of all--Rich, Sumptuous Autumn and Stunning, Dramatic Winter. Don't be jealous. I was actually raised Color Me Beautiful (Click on it. You KNOW you want to know). My mom took the actual course in the 80s and is fully indoctrinated to the point that she will walk up to complete strangers, especially younger people, just to tell them that they are wearing the wrong color and then attempt to describe colors they should be wearing using pop culture references they don't understand ("Just think Myrna Loy and Gene Tierney. Those kinds of colors."). With a mom so militantly Color Me Beautiful (last chance), I couldn't help but be affected by it. I have actually had the following phone conversation with my mother while in the dressing room of a major clothing retailer:

Me: Hello, mom? I have this shirt here and I really like it, but I can't tell if it's Kelly Green or Wintergreen.
Mom: Is it cool-toned or warm-toned?
Me: I can't tell. That's why I'm calling you.
Mom: Well, is it the color of freshly cut grass?
Me: What? Uh, I guess so...sort of.
Mom: Hold it up to your face--do you look sallow? Or does it make you look fresh and alive? Emily, Kelly Green has yellow in it. Is it a yellow green? You can't wear yellow unless it's a TINT.

I know. It's a sickness. Anyway, on to the seasonal brides; first up is Dramatic Winter:

I think we can all surmise that by "Dramatic," the authors actually mean "High-Maintenance Bitch." I feel like Dawn the Dramatic Winter Bride probably has a magic mirror and a poison apple prep lab somewhere in her home, perhaps stored away until she gets old and someone else becomes Fairest of Them All. I suppose it is a good thing, as the article states, that Dawn is so self-assured and sophisticated that she feels a lace headpiece that looks like a starfish stuck to the side of her face is both appropriate and flattering. I'm also slightly puzzled as to why the authors of this book felt the need to draw the before and after makeup shots. I mean, did no one think to snap a picture of Dawn before they did her up? And why do we need to see what she looked like before anyway?

Next up is Classic Summer:

I wonder if Holly the Classic Summer Bride is a newscaster, because, I'm kind of getting that vibe. So, is it me, or is this look a tad much? I realize it was the 80s and fuschia lipstick was Where It's AT, but this look reminds me of that scene in Return to the Blue Lagoon where Milla Jovovich tries to do her own makeup using an inexperienced, heavy hand and then her husband slaps her because she looks like a whore (which--completely UNFAIR since he was paying attention to this OTHER woman and SHE wore makeup, but, clearly I didn't write that movie, so you know...). Still, I guess garish makeup is better than nothing, considering what Holly apparently looks like without any makeup at all, as illustrated in her Before Drawing (i.e., like a corpse on a slab at the morgue).

Next up is Natural Autumn:

Is anyone surprised that this woman's name is 'Gisella'? I have to say that Gisella the Natural Autumn Bride does look very natural, especially the hair--natural like maybe before her marriage, she lived alone in a hut in the woods and had a shelf stocked with traditional but ineffective herbal remedies for The Bloody Flux and Childbed Fever. Plus, she would probably also have been in charge of love potions and deadly-yet-result-yielding beauty treatments, so I would probably have been at her hut all the time never because I am so gorgeous and everyone wants to marry me. And if I couldn't see the bottom part of what is apparently her veil, I'd say she looked like she had decided to cover her head with some form of delicate white tree fungus. I KNOW--oddly appropriate.

Last, but certainly not least, is the Romantic Spring Bride:

So I don't really understand the purpose of the giant bow positioned like that on the head. I mean, are they taking aerial photographs of the wedding? I have to admit Susanne the Romantic Spring Bride is actually quite lovely, but if this picture proves anything, it's that a bad headpiece can ruin an entire look, people. Aunt Pittypat probably would have worn this as a younger woman--tell me I'm wrong. I mean, there's ROMANTIC and then there's LAME, and this, dear readers, as I'm sure you don't need me to tell you, is totally lame. Maybe this would have worked when Susanne was four years old, perhaps when she had heaps of banana curls, but now...not so much.

So, dear readers, if you're thinking to yourself, "Oh my GOD, what's a seasonally appropriate outfit for my GROOM??" don't worry; Colors for Brides has of course included some interesting suggestions for that which will be included in Part Two. Stay tuned.