Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Monday, December 29, 2008
Saturday, December 27, 2008
Friday, December 26, 2008
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Monday, December 22, 2008
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Saturday, December 20, 2008
Friday, December 19, 2008
(P.S. How creepy is that album name in our visual aid? Maidens in Melody? Really? Really? How about The Vibrato Virgins? Blooms in B Flat? Hymens in Harmony? Seriously, people...)
Thursday, December 18, 2008
And while that is, again, festive, it's also sort of like having to walk through a green house to get to the elevators. It's something that always perplexed me in college--every time we got a speaker in, the way the events committee dressed up the venues for the occasion was by sticking plants everywhere. On some of the smaller auditorium stages it was especially ridiculous--there'd be so many trees and shrubs and plants squeezed into every spare bit of space that the speakers would have to hack through the foliage to get to the podium.
I always waited in hopeful anticipation for the speaker to acknowledge the jungle behind them and open with, "Dr. Livingstone, I presume?"
Never happened--a major disappointment of my college experience.
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Monday, December 15, 2008
Sunday, December 14, 2008
Saturday, December 13, 2008
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
That's RIGHT, James Bond. Agent Fields is going to, like, TAKE YOUR NAME for when the teacher comes back, so you'd BETTER listen to her. Agent Fields has PERFECT ATTENDANCE, so all the teachers love her.
Also, is it too much to ask for a little BANTER in a seduction scene now? I mean, Bond says one funny little line to Agent Fields and the next thing we see is this:
Uh, take that, James Bond! Agent Fields is FOR REAL serious. You'd better get in the car, or she's telling M on you. ...I mean, right after you do that kisses-along-the-spine thing one more time. THEN, boy, you'd better watch yourself...
Monday, December 8, 2008
Sunday, December 7, 2008
It's sort of like fanfiction.net user notsomuch2say with her Twilight/The Notebook crossover, creatively entitled The Notebook. Let's just take a quick look at her synopsis:
twilight/notebook crossover. Bella is the daughter of a rich business man and falls in love with a country boy, Edward. Will their summer love ensure [sic]? BASED ON THE MOVIE. CANON PAIRINGS.
Gee, I wonder what's going to happen. I hope their love ensures. Also, I am SO GLAD there are canon pairings. I wouldn't want notsomuch2say (clearly) to be too OUT THERE with her creativity, or anything.
Saturday, December 6, 2008
Friday, December 5, 2008
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
I loved this song so much that when this movie played on tv in the 90s, I held my tape recorder's mic up to the tv speaker to record it onto a tape and have it to KEEP FOREVER (and also to play it over and over and memorize the words so I could act out this scene accurately). You can experience this amazing movie in 6 parts on YouTube. You know you want to.
P.S. Okay, okay--FINE. We can go ahead and three-way tie The Chipmunk Adventure with The Princess Bride and Adventures in Babysitting for The Greatest Movie of 1987. That seems pretty reasonable...
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Monday, December 1, 2008
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Saturday, November 29, 2008
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Monday, November 24, 2008
1. Four years of high-school Latin would dramatically arrest the decline in American education. In particular, such instruction would do more for minority youths than all the ‘role model’ diversity sermons on Harriet Tubman, Malcolm X, Montezuma, and Caesar Chavez put together. Nothing so enriches the vocabulary, so instructs about English grammar and syntax, so creates a discipline of the mind, an elegance of expression, and serves as a gateway to the thinking and values of Western civilization as mastery of a page of Virgil or Livy (except perhaps Sophocles’s Antigone in Greek or Thucydides’ dialogue at Melos). After some 20 years of teaching mostly minority youth Greek, Latin, and ancient history and literature in translation (1984-2004), I came to the unfortunate conclusion that ethnic studies, women studies—indeed, anything “studies”— were perhaps the fruits of some evil plot dreamed up by illiberal white separatists to ensure that poor minority students in the public schools and universities were offered only a third-rate education.Yes, please! I guess I am biased since I do have a Latin degree, but my experiences tutoring suggest that this is definitely the case. An opportunity to learn an ancient language or two and then to read texts written in it helps kids to develop some sense of perspective for history, literature and language. Since most of them currently have about zero sense of perspective for any of these things, I'll be hopeful and say it can only get better. (When I have a twelve-year-old student who's never seen the word 'petal,' we have an ISSUE, here, people. Uh, I KNOW...)
Sunday, November 23, 2008
Saturday, November 22, 2008
Friday, November 21, 2008
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Playing and marching:
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Note to self: find Slings and Arrows on DVD. Also... GILBERT! You don't know me, but I still LOVE YOU! I'll always be here for you! I could even write a HAIKU for you if you want! ...I mean...uh, yeah...so I'll just close with that...
Monday, November 17, 2008
Takes you RIGHT BACK, doesn't it? I'm pretty sure I spent a significant amount of time in 6th grade planning how I was going to get to Los Angeles so I could dazzle Jonathan Brandis into marrying me. HOW MANY episodes of Seaquest DSV did I dutifully record onto countless VHS tapes, just so I could play them back in slo-mo and stare into his dreamy blue eyes just one more time?
Today we'll be examining a couple of poems by a Twilight fan who calls herself Darren's Wings. The first one is about hot vampire Edward Cullen's eyes, the second, about his love-interest Bella Swan's. I KNOW. Try to control yourselves. The excitement is almost too much...
Eyelashes by Darren's Wings
Bronze bars barring gold
Eyelashes flutter, dazzle
My beautiful dreams
Chocolate by Darren's Wings
Swirling feathers of
Soft chocolate brown closed eyes
Hidden from my own
Ah, haiku. I love haiku--so short and simple. I must admit, though, I'm a little disappointed by the Edward one. What exactly does 'bronze bars barring gold' mean? I mean, does that mean they're shaped like bars and they're just not gold? I fail to see how that adds to our vignette, here, but whatever. I mean, I know part of his appeal is that he's SUPERHUMANLY BEAUTIFUL, but I'm not sure I care too much about his fluttering, dazzling eyelashes. Perhaps I have more of an appreciation of traditional masculinity than Darren's Wings. Here's what I would have written:
Who cares about Edward's eyes?
Dent in the side of a truck
Hand like steel. Yes, please.
Whining. Edward don't leave me.
Without you. Whining.
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Saturday, November 15, 2008
Friday, November 14, 2008
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Fighting Wednesday/middle-of-the-week boredom with clips of happiness-inducing musical numbers is just another service we offer here at Lucky Ball Charms. And we're pretty much EXPERTS on being giggly and happy (okay, at least SOME of the time--uh, we can't be perfect, here) so, if that clip didn't make you all giggly and happy and acutely desirous of jumping off a dock somewhere with a bunch of girlfriends, there's probably something wrong with you. You should get a checkup or something, like, right now. You're welcome.
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Update: I've only read a few chapters and I already don't want to take the trash out to the dumpster IN THE DARK ALONE. And for those of you who are snarking about me being afraid of a little girl ghost, I ask you--Is not Samara from The Ring a LITTLE GIRL? How about that girl with the blonde pigtails who kills a bunch of people in The Bad Seed? Uh, WEDNESDAY ADAMS? Come on, people.
Monday, November 10, 2008
Sunday, November 9, 2008
Friday, November 7, 2008
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
*SIGH* WHY don't people LOOK like this anymore? Well, I mean, besides me and E, everyone. Let's be fair, here. But don't worry, dear readers--jealous-rage-inducing glamor is possible for US ALL with the right tools! If you are interested in being super-glamorous like me, E and Ava, you should check out these vintage/retro fashion and beauty sites:
The Vintage Hair Livejournal
Trashy Diva Clothing and Accessories
Nina's Hair Parlour
The Fedora Lounge Forum: Beauty
Monday, November 3, 2008
Customer: [to me, all snotty-like] Well, is THIS the PEACH ONE, or what...?
Hmmm. No, it's actually the green apple one, which is why it's the same color as peaches. Have a nice day.
Sunday, November 2, 2008
Why, YES, it IS another fan video that I--Emmy, one of your intrepid salonnières-- made when overtaken by a sudden rush of FANGIRL. Hey, life is SHORT, people. If I want to make a sappy/romantic/INSPIRATIONAL video starring James McAvoy and Christina Ricci in Penelope, I WILL, thank you very much.
Friday, October 31, 2008
Well, I hope none of you passed out from fright over that. Seriously, though, when I was five, that scene from Darby O'Gill and the Little People scared me so bad that for YEARS I couldn't fall asleep unless I was facing the window in case the banshee were to actually appear in it. That way, I could at least be READY to do some rolling manuever out of bed and bolt for the door. I ALSO had to sleep with the covers over my face in order to actually not SEE the banshee in my window when it appeared. Yeah, I don't know what was up with my logic, there, but I WAS FIVE. Geez.
Thursday, October 30, 2008
P.S. I know my first video has some ISSUES, but it's the first one I EVER MADE, so you all can give me a break, here.
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
So, this is probably yet another sign that this show has completely jumped the shark by continuing in its rapid replacement of fascinating medical mystery with juicy character melodrama, BUT I don't really care because I enjoy watching Hugh Laurie make out with people. I guess it doesn't hurt that I am ALL ABOUT some Huddy. Also, I'd like the writers of House to know that I am going to need to see a ton more of this kind of thing in season five. Otherwise, it could get UGLY. I might have to STOP WATCHING. Yeah! That's right. Take THAT. I mean, it's not like your show CONTROLS me. I don't HAVE to watch it, you know. I can stop any time I want...
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Oh HEY EVERYONE. Today, we're going to apprise you of more hot people on tv. Well, one more anyway. To watch sex-ay Rufus Sewell as brilliant biophysicist Dr. Jacob Hood (genius is SO HOT, people), you'll have to tune in to CBS on Thursdays at 10 and watch Eleventh Hour.
Sadly, we have to say that the actual show is not so amazing. We feel that there is a glaring lack of chemistry between the two main characters, probably due to the awkward, sex kitten-y way his costar is playing her FBI agent character. Also, the episodes are way too preachy for my taste. Still, who even cares about that when you can watch Rufus Sewell? You could always just put your tv on mute and TAKE IN THE VIEW. Oh yeah.
Monday, October 27, 2008
To me, these bags look like something that might appear in one of those little girl dress-up trunks you can get now. You know the ones I'm talking about--the ones that come with sequin tube tops, lace gloves, tutus in three colors and plastic kitten-heeled slides. Also, I love how HSN feels that a major selling point of these bags is that they have a lot of HANDMADE ACCENTS. Hello, people! Handmade does not equal beautiful, okay? I mean, lots of ugly things are HANDMADE--just think of those macaroni pictures you used to make for your mom in second grade. Exactly.
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Monday, October 20, 2008
Thursday, October 16, 2008
So, don't get me wrong, here--I wouldn't actually buy anything off HSN. I'm just admitting that it's KIND OF an anchor for me. Just knowing it's there--like a guard dog or a night light--that's the purpose it serves for me. My favorite segment lately is the amazing Wei East Anti-Aging Cosmetics line made from REAL GOLDEN ROOT. I don't actually know what Golden Root is, but apparently it's only available A MILLION FEET ABOVE SEA LEVEL or something like that, so it's really rare and makes your skin look like baby skin.
...You know, I don't even NEED the snarkiness, E. For real. ANYWAY, as I was saying, watch this video and tell me Wei is not the most comforting tv personality since Johnny Carson. That might be a stretch, but I know that when things get tough for me, I'll be saying, "Oh, Wei, tell me a story! Tell me about the Golden Root and the 'ancient royalties' again and let me know that you'll ALWAYS BE THERE with my Golden Root--no matter what happens!"
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Woman 1: Yes, we're looking for some hostess gifts.
Woman 2: My son is going to spend some time in Europe with some host families over Spring Break, and I need something small so it will fit in his bags, you know?
Me: Okay, well, how about some smaller coffee table books? We have some in paperback. Maybe like these Images of America historic photograph books? We have some on Georgia. We also have some tea and hot chocolate sets and some glassware over in the coffeeshop area.
Woman 2: Well, we'd like something that brings our culture to THEM, you know?
Me: Okay, well, maybe the books would be best for that.
Woman 1: They're too BIG, though. That's the only thing. I mean, it has to fit in his luggage, and he needs more than one.
[At this point, Woman 2 excitedly grabs a plastic and rubber Mickey Mouse clip bookmark off a rack and holds it up for her friend.]
Woman 2: OH, now SEE? THIS is perfect. It's very representative of America!
Woman 1: Oh, yes! That is perfect! [turning to me] What do you think?
Me: Um, that is really, uh, cute, but I'm not sure it's what you're looking for...
Woman 1: It really isn't right for a hostess gift, is it? ...Well, thanks for your help! I guess we'll go to Target or something. Bye!
[Woman 2 looked a little stricken, but went along anyway.]
Call me a snob if you want, dear readers, but a clip bookmark? Really? Wait--what am I SAYING? What an amazing hostess gift, sure to be useful and enjoyed by all members of the host family for years to come. Plus, it's not like Mickey Mouse novelties are available, like, OVERSEAS, as everyone knows. Also, too bad about that whole No-Liquids-On-Planes thing since without that rule, they could have taken an appropriate gift that was REALLY representative of America and Georgia--A CAN OF COKE! HELLO, people--it says AMERICA, it says ATLANTA! It's perfect! I don't know what could possibly be more tasteful than that, either... Okay, maybe a Special Edition Scarlett O'Hara Barbie IN the Twelve Oaks Barbecue Gown, but she said something SMALL, everyone. Geez.
My Dad: But I can't do that! I need change!
My Dad: Oh...
Can't you just sort of imagine him leaning awkwardly into the touch screen and saying slowly, "Hello, machine! I'd like to purchase these items, please!"? I know--KIND OF adorable.
Monday, September 15, 2008
So, your leg looks HAWT there, E. I mean, so do my boobs, but I'm just saying...
Saturday, September 13, 2008
Please notice that toward the end, this amazing video features THE scariest part of Are You Afraid of the Dark? Yes, that's right--it features the opening credits. Seriously. The clown doll and the swings--OMG. When that show would come on, I'd basically have to turn the channel until the opening credits were over and then watch the actual show, just like with The X-Files and Unsolved Mysteries. Who writes such freaking scary music, people? Do you have to be weird or something?...I mean, not that I was some kind of BABY about it, but you know...
Friday, September 12, 2008
I KNOW I'm not the only one who had a huge crush on DANNY! Hawt! I'd love for him to teach me how to, like, ROPE things and stuff. I know, I know--who's with me on that, ladies and gentlemen?? ...So, I kind of hate how so many people here are obviously huge liars...
Sunday, September 7, 2008
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
I cannot express how awe-inspiring that Barbie was, people. Glow-in-the-dark STARS with a matching PARASOL. I think that says it all.
Saturday, August 16, 2008
I mean, this one time in high school, I watched in a SINGLE SITTING, the entire trashtastic 5-hour miniseries Lace (1984) starring Phoebe Cates. The plot goes something like this: Abandoned as a child, Lili Lace first works in a labor camp, eventually prostituting herself on the streets of Paris before becoming a soft-core porn actress and finally transforming herself into a real actress making big money so she can find the three women who might be her long lost mom, gather them all in a room and say, "Which one of you bitches is my mother?" Other highlights of the series include, but are not limited to, blackmailing a school headmaster having a secret affair with his chauffer, possible incest between Lili and someone who could be her half brother, and cinematography involving a Swiss chateau. I mean, I don't even know how you can go wrong with that. LOOK at that promotional picture coupled with my synopsis and TELL me you're not interested in seeing it. No one has to know. It's called Netflix.
...Whatever. I don't believe you, and also, I don't actually appreciate your tone...
ANYWAY, those were a couple of MY guilty pleasure triumphs, so hopefully someone will comment with some of his or her own (and by 'someone' I mean YOU, Recycled Art Girl).
Friday, August 15, 2008
Don't be JEALOUS, E, but... they found Bigfoot in the woods in North GEORGIA. I mean, apparently, he's dead, but still. Don't feel bad. We can't ALL BE from Bigfoot's home state, E. The best thing for you to do would be to try and accept this with that quiet dignity which most becomes you.
Saturday, August 9, 2008
So, I would just like to take this opportunity to welcome you back to the salon after your ORDEAL, Correspondent E! I know you readers probably think that is plucky muckraker Nellie Bly in that picture to the right, but once again, you'd be mistaken. 'Tis stalwart Correspondent E, using her great beauty and staggering genius to expose doctors who don't know how to use x-ray machines and stick pins in people for no reason. It's like Ten Days in a Madhouse 2008.
Although...I feel like I might not MIND having an extra pin stuck in me if my doctor looked like Hugh Laurie. I bet I wouldn't even need anesthesia--I could just get lost in his eyes. I know, I know, E, I'M the one who is all OMG HUGH LAURIE and not you, but I'm just SAYING. ...I don't know how this post ended up being about me and Hugh Laurie. I'm SORRY, E. Well, at least give me some credit for not posting a gratuitous House picture.
Still, once again, dear E, welcome back!