Saturday, June 28, 2008

Serious Questions for James McAvoy

So, E, I went and saw Wanted yesterday. And, no, it was not just because James McAvoy is the star. ...Okay, maybe that was like 75% of the reason...but I was ALSO doing important research for my Project To Turn Myself Into Angelina Jolie. I DO realize that this blog might not be able to handle any more Awesome than it already has, but I'm willing to take that chance. Plus, this research is vital to my future, people--perhaps even more so than finding a new job and applying to grad school, both of which would be made easy as pie as soon as my morph into Angelina is complete. I mean, schools and employers probably wouldn't even require an application from Angelina Jolie. Everyone knows that.

Dear readers, if you are lucky enough to know your Salonni
รจres in person, then you know that we like to be prepared. Semper Paratus and all that. Well, actually, if we're talking specifically about us, then it would be Semper Paratae. And there you go folks, THAT'S what a B.A. in Latin gets you--anal retentiveness over the grammar of a dead language that no one gives a flying crap about. Don't be jealous... As I was saying, E and I like to be prepared for absolutely everything such as when major print media companies might ask us to interview huge celebrities, a situation which could arise AT ANY MOMENT. So it's a good thing E and I have already compiled a list of Very Serious Questions for the brilliant actor James McAvoy:

1. How depressed are you that we've never actually met?

Have you been waiting all your life for us?

Is your marriage semi-over? If the answer is yes, how does this help us to better imagine you as our Scottish lover AND how does your personal tragedy and our personal gain serve as your artistic motivation?

4. What shade of blue would you say your eyes are, really?

How many different ways do you think we are better for you than any woman, ever?

If you could have us anywhere, where would it be? Don't be shy. We certainly won't be.

If we turned off all the lights, plunging us into complete and total darkness, and we were to touch you inappropriately, but nobody saw, would it really count? If the answer is no, could that be a reason for another go at it?

If we threw ourselves at your feet, would you freak out? ...Because we might.

Would you be at all averse to reenacting all your sexy scenes from any movie you've ever been in, with us, even if you don't find them particularly sexy yourself (unless you found the wee horns of your Tumnus costume arousing, and then we'll have to be allowed a follow-up question)? Also, to be honest, we didn't really mind the horns...

Do you need a pair of personal assistants? Because we're available. Not to mention how amazing we would be at being personal assistants since we are so WITH IT all the time. Seriously, we would be totally on top of you things. For real, James McAvoy. Think about it and get back to us, you know, whenever...

So, E, I hope those questions aren't too serious for when they call us to do the interview. I mean, the intellectual heft evident in this list could be kind of int
imidating for some people; hopefully, it won't put them off. So, also, I have this feeling that Mrs. James McAvoy, amazing actress Anne-Marie Duff, (HELLO, The Magdalene Sisters. If you have not seen this movie, go rent it, like, now. Tonight. I mean it.) would think we are SO WITTY AND HILARIOUS. She would LOVE us. I just know it.


Nat said...

Yes well that is my future husband your talking about I completely mind you fantasising about him in this manner. :)

Emmy said...

LOL :-)... Well, I don't even know what you're talking about with this 'fantasizing' because this is obviously 100% REAL and you KNOW there is going to be a call any day now. Clearly.